Trying to be brave- Children's story I'm working on- Feedback preferred

Work, years in progress. I am not much of a writer, but this was fun to do in one of my boring classes. Feedback appreciated, feel free to butcher it. Its geared towards middle elementary students. I am aware that grammar/punctuation is completely off :)

Margot's Brainstorm

Margot sat on the toilet
She was brainstorming in the only
private place in the house

With a flush and tornado
Margot spun through her thoughts
and landed on a soft gray membrane

Suddenly figures and life formed around her!
mouse detectives looking for clues
A dragon waltzing with his wife at the ball
An orchestra of vegetables playing instruments
Margot marveled at the asparagus's violin solo

An owl darted past her
Margot sped after him without thinking
He stopped, flew to her and she hopped on his feathery back

The two flew over her brainstorm
chattering with excitement
at the amount of rainbows
treasure maps
pirates
massive blue oceans with
sea turtles having tea
and narwhals watching the sunset

The owl landed on the most beautiful sprawling tree
with leaves that glittered
and tasted of grilled cheese
and tomato soup

There Margot observed the world
her brain had created
she dictated to the owl
who carefully put his monocle in place
and wrote every world she spoke

Soon exhaustion took her
The tree cradled her softly
the owl hummed her favorite lullaby
and she fell fast asleep.

Margot awoke with a sudden jolt!
Her brother was knocking on the bathroom door
She stood up, washed her hands and smiled

And sat down to the dinner table
with her mother and father
to a delicious grilled cheese and tomato soup

(the final illustration will be the mother and father as allusions to the tree and owl in her brainstorm, so the tree and owl will be them personified)